My Dark Dominion

Weird.. I know. But what to do, this was on my mind and I wanted this to be one of those rare times that I let something out for once.

date
-noun
An appointment or engagement, especially a social one with a member of the opposite sex that one likes.

As you may already know, I keep on sulking on girl after girl day after day, maybe it’s a symptom of being single for too long, don’t know. Well, this is what’s really happening, I know a lot of people (obviously of the opposite sex) that know a little piece about my oh-so complex life. And I don’t mind that, being as single as I am. That is upto as much as I can do right now. Thing is, these past few days, maybe something happened, maybe I started to realise that all my nakamas (comrades) have started to find/found their partner that will be with them through good and bad times altogether. Thing is, I don’t have one particular one to release all my happiness and sorrow towards, and I don’t have one particular person that will throw them right back at me and put some sense into this thick skull of mine and vice versa. Instead of one particular person I have made so many people the victims of my disability to decide or to be decided. I keep them pretty to close to my heart as all know a little piece of me and my pain and vice versa

But I’ve started to feel, that wasn’t enough, I wanted to tell someone every single detail about my life, let them know me inside out, trust them wholeheartedly, and I wanted all that with someone that would do the same. I wanted someone that was more commonly known as a “girlfriend”. Eventhough I believe trust is a very important expect in a relationship, don’t worry, it isn’t going to be JUST that, I want my girlfriend to feel… awesome around me. I want her to feel, I want her to KNOW that she’s the luckiest girl in the world. I want her to know that she’s being loved beyond measure, and that I would be there when she needs me, and back away if she would want me to at times. But at this point, I haven’t had anyone that I could/would share those feelings with. Yeah that’s right, my dear readers, I have never, ever, in my life had a girlfriend “^_^ It makes me think… Will I always be like this? Eternally Single?

At first, I didn’t mind this. To be honest, I was proud to be single ^_^ always going “Hahaha. I’m single and you’re not =P Tough luck brotha”. But now, I started to feel dead inside, keeping in all these troubles. Letting them pass by me one after the other, and keeping them hidden and buried behind the deepest and darkest nerve in my brain. With me changing to an all-guy school and all, maybe this is a phase I’m going through and bound to get over with =^_^= Who knows?

Well, because of my sudden need to share “stuff” with another person, and also because this would be my first time doing so, I seeked advice from my fellow friends. If it weren’t for the them, I would still be very much misunderstood. Maybe the reason I haven’t got a girlfriend so far is because I am afraid to do so… I don’t want to have any regrets of losing her or making the wrong decision. Maybe that’s just it. =/

My dear friends, Arkturus-bro, Ainthu-sis and Thuvey-chan helped me to see what’s right and what’s not. Told me the pros and cons, and all the expects that is to be considered. And if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have come to the conclusion that I have now. I have decided to wait… yeah, once again, wait some more.. as long as it takes. Till I find the right person, at the right time. Like a wise boy once said:

“Need is the Seed, Time is the Rain and Girlfriend is the crop.”

-Arkturus ( )

Now Playing : All At Once – The Fray

“Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you’ve started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it’s all you’re running from
Perfection will not come”